we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
