ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
