some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
