All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
please come you make the beer taste better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to make out with him forever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
