Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
