i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
