I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
