I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
