Acid is not a monday night drug
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
