his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
