that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
