put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
