She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
