dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
