Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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