I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
