It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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