What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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