I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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