i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
