i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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