I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize