I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
