Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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