I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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