Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
