hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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