so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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porn star boner night. come get it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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