Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
