...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?