Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
