I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.