8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"