I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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