How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
