I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?