I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...