If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants