you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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