Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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