i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
