I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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