Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
did you just send me my own nude
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
