Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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