nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
