Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
