dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
