Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
