I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
