hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
