Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
