You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
