We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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