I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
