i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
