It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
