So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
whose parrot is this?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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