Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize