Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
