If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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