Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
