That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
