well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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