I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
