I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
