Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize