I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
