I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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