I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
