I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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