what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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