The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
