You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
