y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
