Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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