Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
