Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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